sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
