you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
