youre lurking in front of me
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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