Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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