if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
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say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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