i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
