haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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