On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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