There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
