So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
