this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
