my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
