wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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