The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
