I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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