Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
