I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
