Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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