Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
