And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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