i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize