Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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