I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
