hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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