You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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