I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
