I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
