Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
