Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
