She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We need a shit load of segways right now
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
