I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
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I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
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making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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