and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
