ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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