I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
