Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
