I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
