my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
