So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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