Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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