Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
