My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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