just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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