I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
