Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
