I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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