the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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