the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
