everyone is single if you try hard enough
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
