ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
