we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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