its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
