id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
