Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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