Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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