hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
