Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
