Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
