can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
