I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm like, not good at living.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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