Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
