Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He is an equal opportunity slut.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
