Just fell off a train. Bad.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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