i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
