i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
