these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
