when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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