We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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