Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
