your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
