Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
