My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
