I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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