Define "chronic" masturbator.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
