I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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