Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
