Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
