dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
