Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
