i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
