Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
