you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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