I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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