i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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