I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
