We're facebook friends in real life
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
