hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
