haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
