We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
