We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
