Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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