Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
