four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
