yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
