Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
