just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My bed smells like the plague
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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