it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
